Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Life In Retrospect

Its almost a year now that I have severed ties with people that I have loved dearly. I do admit that in so many times in between I do still miss them terribly. Life was never the same without them. Without him. Yes, just one particular friend that was closest to my heart. Hearing his voice, our song still gives me tears as I look back and remember how once upon a time- Life was perfect being together.

Sometimes I catch myself drifting and bitching about the Life that I have today. My humanity getting the best of me. I wanted the fun nights, the endless laughter. the endless coffees and beers we had back then. Witty banters, endless conversations-- those were amazing. But just like evrything else, clean fun turned into a disaster in magnanimous proportions.

It was suddenly all fun, just fun. Empty happiness in each otehr's company. Our friendship lost its essence. Friendship turned into companionship, and till came a point that we no longer knew which direction we were taking. I remember being drunk all the time. being sad most of the time. And worst, I was feeling empty all the time. I couldn't save myself then. I was so lost. I was so broken. I was so empty. regardles of what I do, even when I find myself laughing -- it was still painful inside. I would drink myself to sleep, and would refuse to wake up knowing that I didnt really have anything to look forward to. And I thought, that was suppose to be fun, but how come I feel so lonely??? So alone..

Looking back at those times, those nights I know that I'd rather be here than back there. I'd rather be bitching about my the little what-not's that my work brings but hey, I know that me finding my direction led to be where exactly I should be right now. It may not be as exciting. It may not be as crazy. It may not be the same as it was.. Truth is, that's the whole point altogether.

So yeah, I miss those times. I still look back at my friends. peek through their profiles here and there. Couldn't help it really. Missing them is my only defense. But like all great memories, they do deserved to be remembered..

Now.. Back to work..

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