It's my 2nd to the last shit of the week.. pardon the French but that's what we call shifts in our line of work. It has been pretty breezy this week. Had it's moments of hustle and times when you can finish an entire archive of blogs. But what's interesting this week is the chain of events that has transpired and yet to happen in the near future.
Lemme backtrack a week ago. Like a bolt of lightning I got sick again!! For the nth time, I can't keep track of all the medications that I have induced for the past 3mos alone.. And then again, got sick with Amoebiasis no less!!! I was constipated, bloated, feverish and what have you for an entire week.. Twas the most disgusting feeling ever. On top of everything, I had to miss work for two days.. Total bummer.. What concerned me the most though, is not getting paid for those two days, on top of the fact that we get deducted with allowances if you're not at work. With all the purchases I have mad recently, it will burn my pockets to the ground..
But how fortunate I am that in the same 15days, we were made to sign to render over time for work up to 3hours... YEAHBAH!!! a blessing indeed, if I may.. Not to sound materialistic but it is quite a comeback from two days of missing work..
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Not that am justifying my shortcomings, but still I can't shake off the fact that this is still a redemption point for me. And these oppurtunities doesn't happen all the time. Especially in such a timing fashion. You see, not only the pay gets affected in our line of work. Certain criterias do suffer tragically if we dont report. Scorecards are affected by these. That's why one can say call center agents are indeed slaves to the phone. Every minute counts, as in really counts because we get paid in such manner- per minute..
Im overwhelmed I guess, because for quite sometime now I have been guilty of bitching about work. How much it sucks and I wanna quit. But with all the events that has transpired, this job never seizes to amaze me. Just when one thinks everything is screwed, it makes a full 360 degree turn that makes one grateful to be here. So the cliche goes, when the going gets tough-the tough get going..
So color me blessed.. For the nth time I know that these are but one of the many reasons why I am here. And that I should be grateful that I have a job. That this job fuels my Life. It enables me to do the things I want for myself and the people I care about. It also gives me self-worth. Being productive and doing something. Working. As an able individual should.. It'll be a long way from here, but note to self: SUCK IT UP!!!!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Eat Your Goddamn Heart Out
I pride mysylef with so many things I couldn't keep track anymore. I have great friends, I have a great job (well, pays well really), great relationship (mehn, the sex is FANTABOLOUS!!!) and a great family- as the cherry on top of the fabulous ice cream that is Life. And generally, such fabulousness has followers.. hahahahahahahaha
Its not making sense really, the entry I mean. Because the author is having conflicts with the content altogether. The conflict is that the people in focus are a bunch of LOSERS!!! Well, am only pertaining to two people really. But yeah, LOSERS just the same. Its mind-blowing to know that if the variables that surrounded me then were different by just that bit, I could have ended up like THEM!! At that point, I would simply kill my son and myself in the process. Because what these two pigs do makes me sick to the gut..
Back to the entry.. I remember being young once. With a kid at that. I was 21, and to me that is still young. I started having sex when I was 16, twas no fun then really. Let's just say that it wasn't the right time then for me to engage in such activity. But oh well.. Anywho, the primary difference is that I have a LIFE. Back then and kicking until now. I travelled a lot back then, engaged with a sport touring the beautiful provinces of the Philippines. I was addicted to adrenalin. To competition and to winning. I met lots of people that at that early point, I didnt even realize how I was slowly expanding my networks. I was and still am very independent. No one can and would pin me down.. Hmmm.. Unless i want them too.. Hahahahahahahahaha
Wait. Im losing track again. I guess the very gist of this entry is simply to say "Eat your fucking heart out!!!!" simply to send a message that I remind them of what they are not. First of which, to hide behind a man to preserve whatever dignity and decency left in their system. To convince their selves that their relationship makes them complete and happy. How can that be?? One is on a safety-net relationship (the guy knocked her off so she's safe coz she's not disgrasyada.. Elow?!!) and one is on a dillusional realtionship (affair with a married man. Duh?!! need I explain further?!!) Seriously now. I wish I can feel sorry for them but in the end, I can see that they brought it upon themselves.
Dont get me wrong here. Am not exactly the beacon of morality here. And I don't want that responsibility rest assured. And am not claiming to be of flawless character either. I have my share of indescretions- plenty of them actually. But I have enough sense in me not to place judgement on others at mere triviality. My mind says, I'm sorry but really am NOT!! I'm not sorry that I don't empathize with them. I'm not sorry that I think low of them. Because they are.
Character molds with experience. And it defines their descision making process. And I am not sorry that I chose to take care of myself. Chose to actually have an education. Chose my battles well and chose to be me. To be good in what I am and what I stand for. This is not one of those rebel without a cause- angst driven entries. I just know better than them. I know that I have a responsibility to myself, to my family and especially to my son.
And at this point, I TRULLY feel sorry for them. Couldn't realize logic even when it hit them right between the eyes. Funny now really.. I wanted to rant and rant about my resume in Life when in the end, what for??? they just met me NOW and still they can't get me..
How much more in my finest hour????
Its not making sense really, the entry I mean. Because the author is having conflicts with the content altogether. The conflict is that the people in focus are a bunch of LOSERS!!! Well, am only pertaining to two people really. But yeah, LOSERS just the same. Its mind-blowing to know that if the variables that surrounded me then were different by just that bit, I could have ended up like THEM!! At that point, I would simply kill my son and myself in the process. Because what these two pigs do makes me sick to the gut..
Back to the entry.. I remember being young once. With a kid at that. I was 21, and to me that is still young. I started having sex when I was 16, twas no fun then really. Let's just say that it wasn't the right time then for me to engage in such activity. But oh well.. Anywho, the primary difference is that I have a LIFE. Back then and kicking until now. I travelled a lot back then, engaged with a sport touring the beautiful provinces of the Philippines. I was addicted to adrenalin. To competition and to winning. I met lots of people that at that early point, I didnt even realize how I was slowly expanding my networks. I was and still am very independent. No one can and would pin me down.. Hmmm.. Unless i want them too.. Hahahahahahahahaha
Wait. Im losing track again. I guess the very gist of this entry is simply to say "Eat your fucking heart out!!!!" simply to send a message that I remind them of what they are not. First of which, to hide behind a man to preserve whatever dignity and decency left in their system. To convince their selves that their relationship makes them complete and happy. How can that be?? One is on a safety-net relationship (the guy knocked her off so she's safe coz she's not disgrasyada.. Elow?!!) and one is on a dillusional realtionship (affair with a married man. Duh?!! need I explain further?!!) Seriously now. I wish I can feel sorry for them but in the end, I can see that they brought it upon themselves.
Dont get me wrong here. Am not exactly the beacon of morality here. And I don't want that responsibility rest assured. And am not claiming to be of flawless character either. I have my share of indescretions- plenty of them actually. But I have enough sense in me not to place judgement on others at mere triviality. My mind says, I'm sorry but really am NOT!! I'm not sorry that I don't empathize with them. I'm not sorry that I think low of them. Because they are.
Character molds with experience. And it defines their descision making process. And I am not sorry that I chose to take care of myself. Chose to actually have an education. Chose my battles well and chose to be me. To be good in what I am and what I stand for. This is not one of those rebel without a cause- angst driven entries. I just know better than them. I know that I have a responsibility to myself, to my family and especially to my son.
And at this point, I TRULLY feel sorry for them. Couldn't realize logic even when it hit them right between the eyes. Funny now really.. I wanted to rant and rant about my resume in Life when in the end, what for??? they just met me NOW and still they can't get me..
How much more in my finest hour????
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Alone.
No.
This isn't related to the song that has been, needless to say, been barraging every music stations and videoke bars all over the nation.
No.
This isn't related to the upcoming over-rated yet pathetically irrelevant event they call Valentines. ( duh?!! what gives with all the cherubs, roses and everything else?!!)
This is about Individuality. Too deep maybe, but the inspiration for this entry came about just couple of minutes ago when I found myself alone. Alone when I woke up, when I went to work, when I am at work and so on..
Then it hit me. The solitude of being, my thoughts going to places that I haven't been to in a while. Undisturb by company or idle talk. The beauty of it, the power of it. Brings chills to my skin just thinking about it. Now, I find myself smiling, almost snickering really.. Finding pleasure in my own little world.
I found myself unhappy for the past days. For the reasons that I can't even begin to enumerate. I have always thought that moving ahead meant something better. That going further elates the spirit. Well, I did move and went further, geographically speaking but still, found myself questioning " Is this it?".. yes, I 'm in a different location. Different environment. The challenge it brought back then was addicting, overwhelming even but when the adrenalin wore off - there wasn't much after.
I have always prided myself with the fact that I couldn't be boxed in. In any given situation. May that be in a job or a different point of view. I stand my ground no matter what. Stubborn as it may seem but the concept behind that is we individuals should have our own character no matter what. We are additions to any social group (e.g. companies, families, friends, groups) and our participation includes the very person that we are. Our uniqueness. . It would be lying to mold yourself to an idea that was just introduced in you Life. that being siad, yesterday I came across a column about 10 steps to Success and true enough- the first criteria is Attitude ;
ATTITUDE: Your attitude is the strongest (or weakest) aspect about you. It will determine your self-image and how well or poorly you do at everything. No more “I can’t”.
There you have it. As it is documented above, it is still imperative that one comes to terms with itself to determine how far or how short-lived one's destiny is. Though many would say that its the journey that's important - it is still important that you get somewhere. Somehow. It would be stupid to go on a trip and later on notice that haven't gotten anywhere really. Worst, to find out that you are back where you started.
The clutter that has clouded my mind somehow did that - turning me around in circles. Taking me for a spin and giving me an excruciating headache. Then I found myself questioning why I am where I am. I have been contemplating of quitting my job, pack my stuff and head back home and then reestablish myself. But then, when I thought about it, it wouldnt be a wise descision. While that may be convenient, it will be fatal for me as well. And then my second wind kicked in.
I am here for a thousand of reasons. I left a Life that failed me back home. A life that broke me and this was my chance to do it differently. I got my chance. Not many get second chances in life. The variables may be different, but Life goes on as they say. And thank God I found my marbles in time before I made another mistake of letting this chance go. And I was thankful that in my moment of silence, in my moment of solitude God made me see this. And that my friend, is the power of being Alone.
Alone. Indeed. But definitely not lonely. And definitely not done yet.
This isn't related to the song that has been, needless to say, been barraging every music stations and videoke bars all over the nation.
No.
This isn't related to the upcoming over-rated yet pathetically irrelevant event they call Valentines. ( duh?!! what gives with all the cherubs, roses and everything else?!!)
This is about Individuality. Too deep maybe, but the inspiration for this entry came about just couple of minutes ago when I found myself alone. Alone when I woke up, when I went to work, when I am at work and so on..
Then it hit me. The solitude of being, my thoughts going to places that I haven't been to in a while. Undisturb by company or idle talk. The beauty of it, the power of it. Brings chills to my skin just thinking about it. Now, I find myself smiling, almost snickering really.. Finding pleasure in my own little world.
I found myself unhappy for the past days. For the reasons that I can't even begin to enumerate. I have always thought that moving ahead meant something better. That going further elates the spirit. Well, I did move and went further, geographically speaking but still, found myself questioning " Is this it?".. yes, I 'm in a different location. Different environment. The challenge it brought back then was addicting, overwhelming even but when the adrenalin wore off - there wasn't much after.
I have always prided myself with the fact that I couldn't be boxed in. In any given situation. May that be in a job or a different point of view. I stand my ground no matter what. Stubborn as it may seem but the concept behind that is we individuals should have our own character no matter what. We are additions to any social group (e.g. companies, families, friends, groups) and our participation includes the very person that we are. Our uniqueness. . It would be lying to mold yourself to an idea that was just introduced in you Life. that being siad, yesterday I came across a column about 10 steps to Success and true enough- the first criteria is Attitude ;
ATTITUDE: Your attitude is the strongest (or weakest) aspect about you. It will determine your self-image and how well or poorly you do at everything. No more “I can’t”.
There you have it. As it is documented above, it is still imperative that one comes to terms with itself to determine how far or how short-lived one's destiny is. Though many would say that its the journey that's important - it is still important that you get somewhere. Somehow. It would be stupid to go on a trip and later on notice that haven't gotten anywhere really. Worst, to find out that you are back where you started.
The clutter that has clouded my mind somehow did that - turning me around in circles. Taking me for a spin and giving me an excruciating headache. Then I found myself questioning why I am where I am. I have been contemplating of quitting my job, pack my stuff and head back home and then reestablish myself. But then, when I thought about it, it wouldnt be a wise descision. While that may be convenient, it will be fatal for me as well. And then my second wind kicked in.
I am here for a thousand of reasons. I left a Life that failed me back home. A life that broke me and this was my chance to do it differently. I got my chance. Not many get second chances in life. The variables may be different, but Life goes on as they say. And thank God I found my marbles in time before I made another mistake of letting this chance go. And I was thankful that in my moment of silence, in my moment of solitude God made me see this. And that my friend, is the power of being Alone.
Alone. Indeed. But definitely not lonely. And definitely not done yet.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Bitch.. I Miss You..
It has been quite a while since I last saw you.
A long time since I heard you trully laugh.
From the pit of your gut, you laugh as if there was no tomorrow.
You laughed, till morning.. till tears falls from your eyes.
Tears of happines.. Of sillyness.. Of none-sense..
I miss your wicked tongue, how it would lash the truth
Like it were as normal as breathing.. As normal as living..
No holds barred, no qualms. Just the facts. As is.
How the tongue is merely an instrument used and victimized by something bigger
By how your mind can possess your mouth, spouting facts - tact or without..
I miss the intellectual high.. I miss being drunk with simple conversations
How time would fly so fast, and how the nights would simply disappear..
No limits to the mind, body and spirit - not feeling its humane shortcomings..
Its endless, euphorhic, consuming but warm and at home..
I miss the Bitch that is me..
To laugh because I want to, because I ought to, because I can.
To cry because I want to, because I ought to, because I can.
To be intense, over reacting, over bearing, crazy yet alive..
To feel something and everything, all at the same time.
To get crazy insane, because the mind needs to break free
From the routine, from what's average, from what's "here and now"..
I miss the Bitch that is me..
I have to find her.. She is me..
The Bitch in me is never satisfied.
The Bitch in me is never mediocre.
The Bitch in me is never simple.
The Bitch in me is never quiet.
The Bitch in me is never kind.
The Bitch in me is never gone.
A long time since I heard you trully laugh.
From the pit of your gut, you laugh as if there was no tomorrow.
You laughed, till morning.. till tears falls from your eyes.
Tears of happines.. Of sillyness.. Of none-sense..
I miss your wicked tongue, how it would lash the truth
Like it were as normal as breathing.. As normal as living..
No holds barred, no qualms. Just the facts. As is.
How the tongue is merely an instrument used and victimized by something bigger
By how your mind can possess your mouth, spouting facts - tact or without..
I miss the intellectual high.. I miss being drunk with simple conversations
How time would fly so fast, and how the nights would simply disappear..
No limits to the mind, body and spirit - not feeling its humane shortcomings..
Its endless, euphorhic, consuming but warm and at home..
I miss the Bitch that is me..
To laugh because I want to, because I ought to, because I can.
To cry because I want to, because I ought to, because I can.
To be intense, over reacting, over bearing, crazy yet alive..
To feel something and everything, all at the same time.
To get crazy insane, because the mind needs to break free
From the routine, from what's average, from what's "here and now"..
I miss the Bitch that is me..
I have to find her.. She is me..
The Bitch in me is never satisfied.
The Bitch in me is never mediocre.
The Bitch in me is never simple.
The Bitch in me is never quiet.
The Bitch in me is never kind.
The Bitch in me is never gone.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Happiness Is a Choice
Yes.. Remarkably, I am blissfully happy.. Been like this for two to three days straight and I have never been so unremorseful..
Simply because while everyone around me are having love issues I, on the other hand, am thriving on this beautiful emotion. It's intoxicating. It's silly. It's unbelievably consuming... I can't even get my head straight, I simply am happy...
Happy because I came to terms with a lot of harsh realities. Happy because I have resolved within me the stuff that has got me into knots for months now. Happy beacuse for the first time, I am trully honest to myself of what I have, being contented with it, enjoying it rather than frustrating myself over for what isn't there.. happy because I choose to be. Happy because I WANT it to be.. And am making faces right now, even I find myself weird.....
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha
On a more serious note, I am happy with myself right now. I woke up one day realizing that I have more than what I ask for. I can be brutally unreasonable. I can be unbelievably difficult. In more ways than one, one could say that I can be and am a total ass about a lot of things.. It gets the best of me at times and somehow lingers... Funny because usually I don't dwell. I just don't but yeah, even the smartest person has their moments..
I am inspired. I am in love and I am loved.. I cannot begin to describe how beautiful what I feel right now. I am at the verge of doing cartwheels and jumping up and down.. I just am.. I can't even write decently about it...
Well then.. let me get back to all of this when the euphoria has mellowed...
I hope I don't break my neck though..
Simply because while everyone around me are having love issues I, on the other hand, am thriving on this beautiful emotion. It's intoxicating. It's silly. It's unbelievably consuming... I can't even get my head straight, I simply am happy...
Happy because I came to terms with a lot of harsh realities. Happy because I have resolved within me the stuff that has got me into knots for months now. Happy beacuse for the first time, I am trully honest to myself of what I have, being contented with it, enjoying it rather than frustrating myself over for what isn't there.. happy because I choose to be. Happy because I WANT it to be.. And am making faces right now, even I find myself weird.....
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha
On a more serious note, I am happy with myself right now. I woke up one day realizing that I have more than what I ask for. I can be brutally unreasonable. I can be unbelievably difficult. In more ways than one, one could say that I can be and am a total ass about a lot of things.. It gets the best of me at times and somehow lingers... Funny because usually I don't dwell. I just don't but yeah, even the smartest person has their moments..
I am inspired. I am in love and I am loved.. I cannot begin to describe how beautiful what I feel right now. I am at the verge of doing cartwheels and jumping up and down.. I just am.. I can't even write decently about it...
Well then.. let me get back to all of this when the euphoria has mellowed...
I hope I don't break my neck though..
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Priviledges
Great things in life, as most would say, are free..
But most are aware that everything has a price. Not currency, but to a certain degree of value. Emotions, ideas, feelings - all of these are attained with a ceratin amount of effort. A certain amount of importance or relevance. Thus, these shouldn't be taken for granted.. having relationships are a priviledge. Being happy is a priviledge. Being alive is a priviledge. Oftentimes, we make the wrong notion that without exchange of currency that it has no value nor it is free. Currncy or money for that matter is simply a piece of paper that you can wipe your ass with. Its basic component is no different from the ones that we actually use...
Like Forgiving and Forgetting... these two are priviledges...
Its disturbing to know that this saying has become a passe' for those who simply can't and couldn't deal with the harsh realities of Life. The complexities of situations that require intellect, character and conviction.. Forgiveness and forgetting are both self- serving ideologies... It doesn't so much influence the recieving end but rather serves the purpose of closure and severity of the conflict at hand. I can't help but criticize but to forgive and to forget is simply, if not catastrophically, stupid..
Too harsh..
Forgiveness requires remorse. Forgiveness requires realization. Forgiveness requires humility and acceptance of the wrong doing.. In the truest concept of the word, only a higher being is capable of Forgiveness... only God is trully capable of forgiveness..The sanctity of Forgiveness shold not be made as a patriotic excuse to present courage. Forgiveness is nota t-shirt one decides to wear for the day and throw out in the next...
Forgetting.. This defies the very essence of living. We only live ever so briefly to manage to erase or forget details and memories of our borrowed time.. Good or bad, beautiful or ugly - memories are memories. They make us. They help us better ourselves. They stand as reminders of good times, bad times that we may never allow to happen again, beautiful ones to inspire us and ugly ones to shake us up and wake us up..
To the weak mind, forgetting is a sanctuary. To deny oneself of addressing the situation. To run and hide and seek comfort in pretending that it never happened.. Forgetting is the last defense of the weak spirit..
That is why I don't forgive - I deal with the situation. I compromise and meet every relationship half-way. I am no God to bestow forgiveness. I am no preacher of the church. I am a human being. Conflict arise because of our differences, it's a given. Each one of us is different from one another and are bound to have different takes on a lot of things.. Ther is no wrong doing in that aspect. We deal. We manage. We compromise. We make a choice. That is the way of the strong mind..
People speak of things that they do not know.. I pity those people..
But then again, to extend pity IS a choice...
But most are aware that everything has a price. Not currency, but to a certain degree of value. Emotions, ideas, feelings - all of these are attained with a ceratin amount of effort. A certain amount of importance or relevance. Thus, these shouldn't be taken for granted.. having relationships are a priviledge. Being happy is a priviledge. Being alive is a priviledge. Oftentimes, we make the wrong notion that without exchange of currency that it has no value nor it is free. Currncy or money for that matter is simply a piece of paper that you can wipe your ass with. Its basic component is no different from the ones that we actually use...
Like Forgiving and Forgetting... these two are priviledges...
Its disturbing to know that this saying has become a passe' for those who simply can't and couldn't deal with the harsh realities of Life. The complexities of situations that require intellect, character and conviction.. Forgiveness and forgetting are both self- serving ideologies... It doesn't so much influence the recieving end but rather serves the purpose of closure and severity of the conflict at hand. I can't help but criticize but to forgive and to forget is simply, if not catastrophically, stupid..
Too harsh..
Forgiveness requires remorse. Forgiveness requires realization. Forgiveness requires humility and acceptance of the wrong doing.. In the truest concept of the word, only a higher being is capable of Forgiveness... only God is trully capable of forgiveness..The sanctity of Forgiveness shold not be made as a patriotic excuse to present courage. Forgiveness is nota t-shirt one decides to wear for the day and throw out in the next...
Forgetting.. This defies the very essence of living. We only live ever so briefly to manage to erase or forget details and memories of our borrowed time.. Good or bad, beautiful or ugly - memories are memories. They make us. They help us better ourselves. They stand as reminders of good times, bad times that we may never allow to happen again, beautiful ones to inspire us and ugly ones to shake us up and wake us up..
To the weak mind, forgetting is a sanctuary. To deny oneself of addressing the situation. To run and hide and seek comfort in pretending that it never happened.. Forgetting is the last defense of the weak spirit..
That is why I don't forgive - I deal with the situation. I compromise and meet every relationship half-way. I am no God to bestow forgiveness. I am no preacher of the church. I am a human being. Conflict arise because of our differences, it's a given. Each one of us is different from one another and are bound to have different takes on a lot of things.. Ther is no wrong doing in that aspect. We deal. We manage. We compromise. We make a choice. That is the way of the strong mind..
People speak of things that they do not know.. I pity those people..
But then again, to extend pity IS a choice...
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
InspiRED
Friendship. Three years..
We have gone that far... What started from three fabulous individuals has now evolved into something greater. Bigger than anyone of us.. What startedas friendship is now a Family..
In every sense of the word. Family.
In the laughter that we shared. In the beers that stood witness to all our pains and tribulations. Drama, action, comedy, tragedy. name it - we have had it.
Some are gone, but never away. Some are far, but not lost. Others have chosen different paths while 
others have remained.. In the tears, in the laughter, in the songs that strongly resonates in our hearts - these are the memories that keep us and pull us together..
others have remained.. In the tears, in the laughter, in the songs that strongly resonates in our hearts - these are the memories that keep us and pull us together..We are the same, yet we thrive in our differences and focus on how we all compliment one another. Every character strength and flaw, each and every one together creates a picture so real and true, and that only time, effort, love and respect could and would ever produce..
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